where does the good go?

Earlier this year, a good friend (Karen) sent Jerry a care package. Not only did it include chocolate bacon (!) and other treats, but there was a just-for-Jerry mix CD. One of the songs was by Tegan and Sara. Jerry liked the song so much that he purchased all of the Tegan and Sara CDs and then shared them with me. I especially like the song Where Does the Good Go? and unfortunately its lyrics seem far too relevant to me right now:

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow?
What do you do with the left over you?
And how do you know when to let go?
Where does the good go? Where does the good go?

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive.
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go.
Look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love.
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen.

It's love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
real happy and healthy strong and calm.
Where does the good go? Where does the good go?

There's more to the song, but you get the idea. While I thought that Jerry and I we were out of the woods, I was mistaken. I've spent so much of the deployment wondering where the good went and hoping and praying that it comes back. And frankly, I'm scared that it won't. This is the price to be paid for the army. It's not just the lives that are put in danger, it's the relationships and families that break under the pressures of army life. The physical separation is horrible, but the emotional distance is worse. While I never question the love that Jerry and I have for each other, I sometimes wonder if it's enough. I look at the above picture (another great one from Tuesday's Frog!) and the life and fun and joy of it seem so distant.

We have received word that Jerry is likely to be coming home during the first couple of weeks in November. With less than 60 days to go, I'm hoping that the time flies and that our reunion helps us put all of this drama, difficulty and doubt to rest. Until then, please keep us and Jerry's continued safety in your thoughts and prayers.