warm holiday wishes

The above card arrived from my family a few days before Christmas. That pug looks so much like my Scooter-bug! Of course, my Scooter is more handsome!

I had intended on posting on Christmas, wishing everyone the happiest of holidays. But honestly, it was tough to wish so much happiness, when I was feeling so lonely. But I've put my lonely aside to send warm thoughts your way. I hope that all of you who read this blog are surrounded by loved ones and good cheer throughout the holiday season. That your Christmas was the stuff of good memories and that you are welcoming in the new year with loved ones at your side!

As for me, I am (at Jerry's insistence) always trying to look on the positive side. That side is sometimes hard to find when you're feeling the way I have been this week. And the positive that I finally located holds the hope of an amazing holiday season next year. Not only will it be great because I'll be sharing it with at least my husband (if not more loved ones), but it will be great because I'll have the memory of this Christmas with which to compare it. Times like these really force you (or at least me) to take your appreciation for some things to a whole new level. And without loved ones to share Christmas, it really just feels like any other day.

Yesterday, there was very little to distinguish Christmas from any other day this week. I did make the traditional cinnamon rolls and I spoke to Jerry more than once. And the gym was closed. But other than that, my day was filled with my usual activities of cleaning and watching television. I guess that I was trying to keep myself busy in an effort to avoid how truly sad it is to be alone on Christmas. But as I slowed down at the end of the day, I finally broke down and let the emotion overtake me. And had a really good cry. It was the most that I've cried since the night Jerry left. I've cried a lot since that day Jerry got on the bus, but last night was the first time for snotty, body-shaking sobs. It wasn't pretty. And my head was still feeling it in the morning.

Getting through this year is going to be a challenge and I know that I'm going to be proud of myself when I've made it through it. And I'm going to make my husband proud of me by being strong for him when we talk and e-mail. (He isn't able to check the blog because of limited internet time and slow connection speeds, so I can be a little more open about the difficulties I face on giantpantz.com than when I'm talking to him.) And every day that's behind me brings me a day closer to seeing my JerryGiant again.

And so it is with the hope of a new year, a year in which my husband and I will be reunited, that I wish all of you the best and I hope that the next year will bring you as much joy as that reunion will bring me (without all of the pain)!

selfish

So I know I should be grateful for any communication from Jerry. And I know that he's the one who's putting himself in danger...I'm just lonely. But still, I can't help but be frustrated when the calls are irregular, infrequent and often cut short because Jerry's too tired to carry on a full conversation with me.

It's a lot of work to try to stay connected to Jerry. Only three weeks in, and I can already feel a degree of detachment. It's not only the distance that makes things difficult: it's the obstacles of communication. Resources are limited in Iraq and often it can take hours of waiting in order to be able to use a computer for 30 minutes. Which means that it sometimes just isn't worth the wait. The 30-minute phone calls take place in a room where many other soldiers are also making calls. From my end, I can hear the distracting background noise of other soldiers making their phone calls and people yelling when each soldier's time is up. It makes it difficult to maintain a focused conversation. Often, Jerry is calling after an exhausting day at work. Between the other distractions and his exhaustion, it's difficult for Jerry to really engage in the conversation. Which is frustrating to me. I often feel as if I'm talking to a shell of Jerry. In previous times of separation, we've managed to make up for what is lacking in phone calls with intimate (not the dirty intimate, the honest and soul-baring intimate) e-mail messages. But so far, he hasn't had regular internet access. I'm hoping that changes but realize that I really can't count on anything for certain. I just wish that it could be easier.

I'm also selfish because I bought myself a Christmas present today. I'm considering wrapping it so that there'll be something beneath my little tree. My house is not so much 'stockings were hung by the chimney with care' as 'empty stocking are laying over the back of the chair'! Aren't I pouty today?! Anyway, I purchased an immersion blender. I can't wait to make my smoothies and not have to clean all the blender parts, as I've been doing for the past couple of weeks.

I'm going to take my selfish and pouty self to bed now and will hope that tomorrow I can wake up on the right side of the bed!

happy 100th and 7th!

On television shows, it's often celebrated when a show reaches its 100th episode. This entry marks my 100th entry in the GiantPantz blog!! And it happens to fall on another day worthy of celebrating, my nephew Ian's birthday! Ian was only three years old when I first met him and today he turns 7! In honor of the big day, Scooter and I made a little video for him:

In other news of 100, today I passed the 100 mile mark on my 'Walk 4 Freedom'! Because I'm tracking miles in two different ways, I'll be hitting the 100 mile mark tomorrow as well! For the official program, I'm including miles tracked on my pedometer from normal daily activities. But for my personal program, I'm only including the miles that I achieve through working out. Right now the two numbers are pretty close because I got a head start on my personal program, but those pedometer miles add up quickly and soon the official program miles will be way ahead of the personal miles (30-40 extra miles per week!). Either way, I'm proud of the progress I've made so far and happy to celebrate the 100 miles along with the 100th blog entry!

a great day for pants

If asked, I would almost always say that giving is better than receiving. I've always loved giving the perfect gift and seeing the joy it brings to the recipient. It may be selfish, but lately I've been feeling the joy of receiving. I've loved watching my collection of received Christmas cards grow. And I loved going to the post office today and finding a yellow slip for a package that I didn't order. It was a Christmas package from my friends Jason and Alex. A package filled with pants! In addition to pants, there were Star Wars cards and an orange clock...all things Hev loves! The pants came in the form of a book:

I'm guessing that this is a British book, as it seems to be referring to pants as they mean underpants! I wanted to share a few of my favorite pages and ended up taking photos of almost every page (and I would have done every page, but I have to give y'all some reason to want to visit me!):

Thank you Jason and Alex Pants for making Pantz's day!

five years

Yesterday, as I was pushing myself through a pretty intense workout, it occurred to me that five years ago I never would have believed that I would be able to (or even want to) endure an hour and a half of sustained, intense cardiovascular exercise. I was lucky to make it up a flight of stairs. Yet I can do that workout now (and make it up the flight of stairs without getting winded!). When I lost over a hundred pounds, I felt amazing. When I started gaining back weight, all I could focus on was the disappointment in myself. And while it still bothers me that I've gained back as much weight as I have, I have to take a step back and pat myself on the back for making some real change in my life. I am so much healthier now, both physically and emotionally, than I was five years ago. And even with the weight gain, I've managed to keep off over 60 pounds. And that's something to be proud of. Of course, I am hopeful that my current fitness program, combined with some dietary modifications, will help me take off the rest of the weight again. But more important than that, I hope that it keeps me in touch with how much I like being an active person. Which is surprisingly easy to forget when I slip into a less-active life.

More than just my weight has changed in these five years. I'm certain that the Hev of 2003 wouldn't have believed that the Hev of 2008 would be married, an army wife, and living in Germany. In those five years, I was able to find a person that I could love in myself and that opened me up to love from someone else. People spout that crap all the time. At least it seems like crap, empty words, when you're in the place of self-loathing (or even self-dislike). But as it turns out, it isn't crap at all. And I think it really saved my life.

So here I am now, five years later. And I feel like the world has opened before me. There are so many different paths which I could follow. With Jerry gone, giving me the time to explore my options, it seems that I have a perfect opportunity to really figure out what my passions are and what my real dreams are. Many people don't ever have such an opportunity and many people plug away at jobs, at life, with no real passion or sense of who they are and how they fit into the grand scheme of things. Often, I feel like I'm too old to still be searching for these things. But the fact is, I am still searching. There is so much that I don't know. And the searching and learning makes me far happier than settling, even though it means sacrificing stability and security.

I think I'm in a good place. I'm excited for the future. The not-so-certain future. I'm excited about the fitness program and my initial progress. I'm excited that employment may be in my near future, with an interview for an interesting job scheduled this week! I'm excitd to explore educational possibilities through the master's programs offered through the military. I'm excited to learn more and grow more and hope that when I look back five years from now, I will have accomplished more than I ever would believe that I could now.

this lump of coal is slowly warming

Since Jerry left, it has felt like a lump of coal has taken the place in my chest where my heart usually resides. Sometimes the lump moves up and takes residence in my throat, making it hard to swallow. Neither place feels particularly good. This time of year is usually my favorite. But with Jerry not here, I've had a tough time feeling the Christmas spirit. And while I haven't fully reclaimed the usual Heather Yuletide cheer, I've found a few things this week to begin to warm the cold lump in my chest. Early in the week, I came across something that I couldn't resist picking up for a couple of friends of mine. I can't really be specific, as it's possible that these friends might read the blog and then their Christmas surprises woud be ruined. Ruined!! Iwent to the gym today for the first time and was amazed by the design of the gym. The cardio machines are all set up in front of a multi-story wall of windows, giving us a beautiful view of a (now snow-covered) heavily wooded hillside while we exercise. The snow here is really spectacular. Which also goes a long way in rekindling the warmth in my chest. Snow has been falling regularly and creating Christmas card worthy scenes. Germany has a simpler system of roads than the U.S., which means less disruption of nature. So when the snow falls, you can see an uninterrupted blanket of snow as it covers fields and hills and trees. The beauty could thaw a heart far colder than mine!


I'm very lucky because Jerry tries way harder than the other husbands to keep in touch with me. He calls or e-mails almost every day, while the other spouses often go days without hearing from their soldiers. And while I'm grateful for every call and every moment that I get to hear his voice, some of my hardest times of day are the minutes after I hang up the phone with Jerry. The house seems so much quieter and emptier. And the calls are always at the end of the day, so I go to bed still feeling the emptiness. Which just seems to grow as I lay in bed. Falling asleep has been difficult almost every night since he left. But during tonight's phone conversation, Jerry reminded me that I have it better than he does. At least I have the comfy sheets and Scooter bug.



Speaking of Scooter bug, I think he's feeling been feeling a bit forlorn since Jerry left:

He's also amped up the snoring since Jerry left. Scooter's always been a pretty loud snorer, but lately it's just been out of control! Play this little video clip and witness the outrageous snoring for yourself (and the cute ear twitching at the end):

I guess we're both feeling Jerry's absence and dealing with it in our own ways.

Today I shopped for a Christmas card for Jerry. And I actually teared up in the middle of the PX. It seems that most lovey Christmas cards or cards for husbands are aimed at couples spending the holidays together. I finally found one that had the words that I wanted to say without the words that talked about being together for Christmas.

Please don't worry....my days aren't completely filled with tears and sadness!! I've had great conversations with friends and family, good classes on post, a fun lunch with other JAG spouses, and have started on my walking program. It turns out that the garrison is sponsoring a Walk 4 Freedom program and I signed up for it yesterday and began logging my miles today. The program is an eleven month program where we log miles to equal the 2,000 miles between here and Iraq. Sounds familiar. I decided to participate in the sponsored program, with the hope that I'll meet new people through it. The program provides pedometers and uses everyday movement in addition to exercise to make up the miles walked. I plan on trying to stick to my original plan of building up those miles just through the exercise miles. And getting back on the elliptical machine today felt great. Being able to log 8 miles today from my workout made me feel even better!

sinking in

The other day I was on the phone with Jerry and he told me that he had just received rounds for his weapon, in preparation for heading on to Iraq. Until now, Jerry's been carrying his weapon everywhere, but it hadn't been loaded. Getting the rounds for the weapon made it all a little more real for both of us. By now, Jerry should actually be in Iraq, though I have not heard from him yet to confirm it and it may be days before he's able to contact me. It's really pretty scary to not know where he is, but to know that he's been traveling in a way that I've only seen in movies.

It's funny how the lonely hits. I had a pretty full day and was very productive, yet today, more than any other this week, seemed terribly lonely. Perhaps it was because I knew that Jerry was traveling today and facing more danger than usual. Or maybe it was thinking back to Thanksgiving and feeling like it was so long ago, only to realize it was just over a week ago...time travels slowly with him not here. Or maybe it's all just finally sinking in. But whatever the case, the day was full of downy clowny.

------------------------------

Jerry called! He's arrived safely and I can't describe how relieved I feel. In fact, it wasn't until he called that I realized how worked up with worry I really had been. The other day I bought our annual Christmas ornament. I suppose it would have been smart for us to pick one out together before he left, but since we hadn't, I found one myself this week. I chose an angel, with the idea that she would be watching over both of us while we were separated. I guess that should've been a good indication to myself that I was pretty worried. There were several angels similar to the one I selected, but she was the only one cradling a heart in her hands:

I'm glad I chose her and glad that she's taking her job seriously...she's been taking good care of my Jerry Giant so far.

i would walk 2,282 miles

Thanks to the magic of Facebook, I recently was in contact with a high school friend who has served in the Marines. He told me that when he was deployed, his stateside company members logged the miles they ran in an effort to equal the number of miles between the states and Iraq. I thought that that was a pretty cool idea and found a neato program through google that calulates distances. I discovered the distance between where I'm living and where I suspect Jerry will be stationed in Iraq. One of our favorite songs is I'm Gonna Be (500 miles). And I would walk 500 miles to be with Jerry. But would I walk 2,282 miles? You bet! So...over the course of the next year, I plan to cover 2,282 miles through my Walk Away the Pounds DVDs, the treadmill, and the elliptical machine. If I were to exercise every day, I'd need to cover over 6 miles a day, which would be a pretty big challenge. With that in mind, I'm going to allow myself to cover some 'ground' using stationary bicycles. I'm pretty excited about doing this and think it would be a pretty big accomplishment!



This morning I attended a Battlemind Training class with another spouse. The class was really informative and was based on a big study of soldiers and their spouses during deployment. Today's class focused on the effects of being in a combat area on soldiers. There's another class that focuses on changes in spouses when their soldiers are deployed. The class was taught by a woman whose spouse has been deployed four times, so she was able to provide examples from her own experience which was really helpful. A lot of the stuff was what I expected to hear. But I learned quite a bit too and I think that this class will have prepared me a bit better for some changes I might be seeing in Jerry over the course of the year. And it will help me be more tolerant or understanding of behavior that might otherwise piss me off. One of the interesting things she said that we could probably expect to see is some habitual checking for weapons. Downrange, our soldiers carry a heavy weapon with them at all times. So when they return home, they often make a movement to pick up their weapon when getting out of a car or leaving a restaurant because in Iraq the weapon would have been on the ground at their side when driving or eating. She said that her husband would often keep checking his pockets, wallet, etc. every time he left the house after a deployment. And he would say that he thought he had everything, but it felt like something was missing. It all makes sense, but it was something I had never really considered. I'm very glad that I took the class and plan to take the opportunity to attend more classes offered by Army Community Service.



I had been debating getting a Christmas tree this year. Though we've been getting plenty of beautiful snow to get me into the Christmas spirit, I've had a hard time feeling it. With no Jerry and no family here, I'm facing the first Christmas alone in my entire life. And part of me felt like it might be better to just pretend like it wasn't even happening. But I'm a Christmas girl and I opted to get a live small planted tree and I'm very glad that I did. And I bought a candle with the scent "holiday cheer." You may wonder what holiday cheer smells like. It smells quite good and way better than "holiday sparkle"! Here's my little bit o' Christmas:

The pair of pants usually tops the tree, but with such a small tree the pants would've caused the tree to topple over! The pair of pants tree-topper was made for the first Christmas that Jerry and I spent together. Each year, we add the new year to the pants in some way. This year I plan to sew yellow ribbon around the bottom of one of the pantlegs and put the year on the ribbon. And I can't help but think ahead to my next Christmas, which I will be sharing with my husband with a fullsized Christmas tree and fullsized Christmas cheer!

A couple of my readers had issues with yesterday's entry. I didn't give credit to a few of you who have been very supportive to me during these especially rough days. First there is my awesome Ma (sorry Jason, you're not the only awesome person in my life), who was the first person I called after parting ways with Jerry. I guess I didn't mention her specifically because it's just a given that she's the first person I go to with just about anything. She's my best friend and my strongest supporter (most of the time). So, of course, I've been leaning pretty heavily upon her. Scooter has also been very busy keeping me company and making sure I have lots of snuggle time. I tried to take a picture of us getting our snuggle on, but he yawned while I was taking the photo:

How funny is that?! I love this picture...it makes me laugh every time I look at it! So he's not only good for snuggles, but also for smiles! He's been keeping me and the flannel sheets and the body pillow company at night. I think that he kinda likes being the man of the house! It means way more time snuggling and practicing his loudest snores!! Sorry that I failed to mention Ma and Scooter yesterday!

Tonight I went to a tree lighting ceremony on post. It was pretty cool, an event sponsored by the German American Partnership Counsel. So the whole thing was in English and German. There were carols and mulled wine and gingerbread and, of course, a newly lit tree:

I'm guessing that many of you realize that going to a tree lighting ceremony was not the brightest decision for someone who just saw her loved one off to Iraq. And you are right! It certainly got the tears flowing, especially when they played a recording of White Christmas. White Christmas is one of my favorite movies and makes me think of home. And Jerry insisted we watch it together a few days before he left. But despite the tears and despite the freezing rain, the ceremony was very nice and I'm glad that I went.

Today was the day that I noticed and got sad about stupid little things. I put away the last of Jerry's clothes that I had washed. I unloaded the dishwasher and thought that the big forks will be getting a yearlong vacation since I only use the little ones. I threw out his toothbrush because I think that it would be pretty gross for him to use that same one when he returns. As each little thing gets put away, Jerry has less of a presence in the house and that's a little sad for me.

But I got to talk to him today!! And I got to see him, thanks to our laptops with webcams! The connection wasn't that great but it was enough to be able to see him and hear his voice, even if it was a little choppy. So I'm feeling a little encouraged about our communication during this time. Right now, he's only in a temporary place but next week he should be arriving in a more permanent location. Once he gets there, we'll have a better idea of how easy it will be to communicate and how clear the connections will be.

Before I sign off for the night, I thought I'd share a picture of one of the rooms in our now-furnished house! We had ordered this table in October and it arrived just in time for Thanksgiving!

Finally, I'd like to thank all of you who have taken the time to e-mail, call or write. Many of you have said that you know that you can't make things better for me, but that we're in your thoughts and prayers. Well, you're wrong. You do make things better. Of course, this is all very difficult, but every time I hear from the people who love me, I do feel a little bit better. So thank you for your support...it goes a long way!

flannel sheets and a body pillow

This past week was mostly devoted to getting ready for Jerry to leave. He had the whole week off, but we had to spend much of it taking care of the last-minute things before the deployment. But after all of that scurrying, we were able to slow down, catch our breath, and enjoy a leisurely Thanksgiving. Our friends from Schweinfurt joined us as well as another soldier who deployed this weekend and we all enjoyed lots and lots of good Thanksgiving cookin'! I even managed to make a passable version of Jerry's mom's cornbread dressing, a special treat for Jerry Giant! The meal was so good that we enjoyed leftovers twice more this weekend and Jerry left with lots of good food in his belly!


We seem to have broken the tradition of getting into silly arguments right before a time of separation, which is a pretty great thing! Our relationship has been better and stronger than ever in many ways. But it made the saying goodbye part extremely hard. This whole week has been very teary for me, though I usually managed to save my tears for times when Jerry couldn't see them. He hates to see me sad, especially when there's nothing he can do to make it better. So I tried to spare him that as much as possible. He needs to be taking care of himself and not worrying about me so that he can come home to me safely!


As the days wound down to his departure, we took care of some final preparations. For Jerry, that included tormenting the dog one last time. And by tormenting, I of course mean playing with him like a guy. Jerry thought it would be fun to give Scooter a ride in the hamper:

I'm not sure Scooter thought that it was that fun!

But as soon as Scooter was released from his hamper prison (ahem...I mean ride), he bounded up to Jerry for some lovin'. So it couldn't have been that bad!

Jerry also had to put his vest thing together and try it on. Here he is modeling it for me:

Of course it would normally be worn over his uniform, so the cod piece wouldn't stand out quite so much!!


My preparations included getting bed supplies. I got some toasty flannel sheets to help keep me warm when I'm sleeping alone for a year and a body pillow to snuggle up to. Of course, these things can't really replace Jerry, but they can make it a little bit easier to tolerate sleeping alone in a big ol' empty bed.

After all of the preparing, it was finally time to pile all of Jerry's bags into the car and head over to post for Jerry to draw his weapon. Overall, yesterday was a terrible, terrible day. I would probably list it in the top three worst days of my life. But it was pretty cool to see him with his weapon. I even got to hold it and ask questions about how it worked! Here he is just a few hours before leaving:

As I said, it was a pretty awful day. I was so sad that the hurt was actually physical. My stomach was about eight kinds of sick and it felt like I had a heavy stone in the middle of my chest. I must've cried at least ten times. I keep reminding myself that it wouldn't hurt so badly if I didn't love him so much. So that's a good thing, right? And it wasn't just hard for me. Jerry's not too big on showing his emotions, but even he was a little choked up toward the end.

After picking up his weapon, we had to wait around for three hours before Jerry was able to load his stuff onto a bus. After loading the bus, the soldiers were given another couple of hours to spend with their families in the gym. Here we are in the gym, our last photo together for quite a while:

Obviously, neither of us were at our happiest when this photo was taken. And it wasn't only because Jerry had to wear the silly eye protection! We decided that our quality time was spent at home earlier and that waiting around for the bus to leave was just making things worse for both of us. So we said our goodbyes before the family time was over and I went home and Jerry got on the bus. And as awful as I had felt throughout the day, it was nothing compared to how I felt hugging him for the last time or how I felt when I was watching him walk away toward the bus. People keep telling me that I'm a strong woman to deal with all of this. But I can tell you that I have not been feeling very strong at all. I feel like a weeping pile of Hev.

Since Jerry got on that bus at 1:00 in the morning, he has taken the bus to an Air Force base, a plane to Kuwait and is now on another bus to a post in Kuwait. While I was writing this entry, he texted me to let me know that he had landed safely in Kuwait. My day has been much less eventful. I ran a few errands, did a few loads of laundry, cleaned my kitchen and talked to my awesome friend Jason (as opposed to my crappy friend Jason!). Today, I've felt a little like I'm just going through the motions, but I know it will get better. I know that I'm going to be okay, but I also know that life will be a little less sparkly without Jerry here. I can only hope that he makes it through the year safely and that we both come out stronger in the end. I guess that times like this make me even more sentimental and sappy than usual, but more than ever I feel like no matter how far away from each other we are physically we are always with each other. And that's something to hold on to.

we're a pair

So...I'm doing a little thinking this week as I think back on the night that Jerry proposed to me and as we spend our last bit of time together before he deploys. Jerry proposed to me in the wee hours of the morning on November 22, 2006. It caught me completely off guard, but I still remember him starting the proposal part of the conversation by saying, "We're a pair." And, as different as we are as individuals, we really are a pair (in a good way). It's funny how little things can remind me of what makes us a good pair. The other day, one of the soldiers that Jerry works with asked me what Gant was like at home. He was trying to picture Jerry as something other than the serious, barely-smiling person that Jerry is at work. I told him that we make each other smile and laugh. Later, the soldier told Jerry that he had asked me that question and Jerry told him that he's a complete goofball when he's with me. The soldier said that he had never really hung out with Jerry outside of work, so he had never seen that side of him. And Jerry said, "Oh no, I'm not like that with other people. Just my wife!" Later that same day, Jerry and I went to pay our phone/internet bill and the guy was telling us that there was a late fee. Granted, we were paying after the due date, but when we worked with the same company in Schweinfurt, we never had any late fees and we almost always paid after the due date. So I started asking questions and the guy thought I was being an angry bitch. Immediately Jerry came to my defense, telling the guy that I wasn't angry or accusing, but that I was just trying to understand why it was different in the two places, so that in the future I would do the right thing. It was nice that the guy calmed down and removed the late fee, but nicer that I have a husband who really does understand me, at least sometimes. I love that we are able to understand each other and bring something to the other's life that makes it more fun!I think he was right, we are a pair!

november 19th

Today is a pretty significant day for me. It marks the second anniversary of my grandmother's death and the first anniversary of Jerry's return to the army. Both memories still suck the breath out of my chest: being in the break room of Best Buy as my dad told me over the phone that my grandmother had died and being in an empty car in a garage in Charlotte after Jerry had said his final goodbyes to me before leaving for training. As with so many things in life, these difficult times made way for better ones. It was my grandmother's passing and the subsequent separation of Jerry from me that prompted Jerry to propose to me and to promise to be there for me for the rest of our lives. And though the army comes with difficult things like deployment and separation, the greater impact on our lives has been for the better. Being in the army has allowed us to grow as a couple, see new parts of the world, and live in a beautiful home.

This past week also marked a pretty amazing and joyous anniversary. Still going strong, my grandparents celebrated 61 years of marriage on November 15! What an inspiration to us all!

You may have guessed that my new job has been keeping me too busy to update the blog. But you would be wrong. My career at the PX lasted seven and a half hours, one shift. Though I had made several inquiries regarding how much I was to be paid, I still hadn't found out when I was told to come in for my first shift. I arrived for the shift and found that I had been scheduled for a lot of hours, many of which were on the weekends. So I started off being pretty annoyed. During my interview, I had been assured that management would work with me on a schedule that would allow me to spend time with Jerry in these last few weeks before he deploys. As that schedule stood, I would be losing a significant amount of time with him. When I brought it up, they reluctantly removed two of the shifts. I worked the whole shift and found the work to be pretty enjoyable, with lots to keep me busy. The following morning I was finally able to speak to someone in human resources who was able to tell me my pay rate. I discovered that I was making $7.59 per hour!! When I told the person that that was way below the minimum that I had said that I would work for, she told me that I might be able to talk a manager up to $8.00. So I quit, after only one shift. As much as I need something to get me out of the house and add a little structure to my life, I feel like I needed to place some value on time with my husband, if not my work experience and education!! Grrrr! Arrrggghhh!!

The silver lining, if you can call it that, is that my once-again free schedule allowed me to help out Jerry and the legal team that he works with this week. This entire week, all of the soldiers being deployed are required to come through in groups to take care of all of the important pre-deployment stuff, including legal stuff like getting wills and other legal documents drawn up and executed. I've been helping with that and it's been a lot of fun. A lot more like the work I'd like to be doing here. And doing it has given me a few leads on employment opportunities that may be opening up soon. I have not liked getting up at 5:30 every morning! The only time I like to see that time of day is when I'm saying goodnight instead of good morning!! Other than the early hours, it's been good to do something that keeps me busy, is a little challenging and is helping people!

The long days have also been leaving me pretty exhausted! So I'm going to head to bed!

a busy guy...

Our nephew Ian has been a pretty busy guy lately. He's been smiling for the camera in his school photo:

He's taken the training wheels off of his bike:

He's been playing soccer. This photo was taken at the last game of the season, a game in which he scored the only goal! Even better than scoring the goal, Ian was awarded the sportsman award, an award given to a player by the coach of the opposite team. He's holding the award in his hand and has his season medal around his neck. We're so proud of him!

He's been making stuff. Here's a chicken he made at school. He thought it would be pretty funny for the chicken to have a band-aid! We agree!

And he's been losing teeth! He just lost his fifth tooth, making him the guy who gets to sing All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!

While we're so far away, it's nice to be included in these milestones through the pictures his mom sends us. Thanks Lizzypantz!

home

I'm pretty sure my mom is going to read this blog entry and tell me in our next phone conversation that I need to get a job!! But even a job can't prevent the wheels that are constantly turning in this noggin!

For most of my adult life, I've struggled with the idea of home. Or at least have been very conscious of the concept of home and what that means to me. I specifically remember a time at GW when I was determined to spend my spring break at GW, rather than returning home to my family. At that time in my life, although I so desperately wanted to make my own home in a place separate from my family, there was no denying that home was with my family. And that remained true for years. For me, home always makes itself clear when travelling. On every single trip between Washington DC and Massachusetts, whether by car or plane, I always felt like I was coming home as I approached Massachusetts. And always felt like I was leaving part of myself behind when I left my family and Massachusetts.

I know now that my family will always be home to me. No matter where they physically are, they are home. No matter how much time has past, I can always feel comfortable, happy and loved with not only with my immediate family, but with my extended family. I also know now that having a home for myself doesn't mean denying the permanent home that I share with my family. Some of you reading this may think that this sense of dual-homeness is the result of making a home with my husband and sowing the seeds for my own family. But really I found the first home of my own when I moved to Asheville. For the first time, when I travelled away from Massachusetts, I looked forward to going home. In some ways, I feel like that sense of comfort and belonging that I felt when I moved to Asheville openned me up to the love that I found in my husband.

Germany, too, has felt like home. I can't say that the first place that we lived in Germany ever really felt like home. It felt a little bit more like playing pretend. But here, in our new house, I feel that feeling that made Asheville home to me. Returning from Schweinfurt last week, I felt a little excitement and relief when we turned onto our street. I was home!! Being in the army means that we will be moving a lot, which I think is what has sparked this little home examination of mine. How do I maintain a sense of home as we move from place to place? And I guess I've come to the conclusion that making a home is a little bit like making friends. Friends are the family that we get to choose. Similarly, we can choose to make a home inviting and warm and full of the qualities that so naturally make being with family home. I can choose to make good memories in a home that I share with the love of my life. I can choose to fill it with warm smells, rich colors and laughter. I can choose to veture out into the area and find things/places to love and to inspire me in the place that I live.

This all boils down to a whole bunch of rambling in an effort to say that I do feel like I'm home now. I feel content and blessed. I feel close to my husband in what is really our first home. And that is an amazing feeling!

they say it's your birthday

And if they're talking about Elyssa, they're right! This punk princess turns 13 today!! Happy Birthday Elyssa....we love you!!! (Please note that this is Elyssa in her punk princess halloween costume. This is not what she wears every day!)

a little more revealed

I've never been a person to just drop something if I have a question about it. If I'm not sure of the definition of a word, I'll look it up. If I don't know the answer to a question, I'll research it. I didn't feel completely informed about this whole marriage ban thing, so I dug a little deeper. What I didn't realize was that, in the case of California, although same-sex marriages are now banned, same-sex civil unions are still legal. For many this may be an issue of semantics, but the distinction between the two lies at the center of the issue for me. In my opinion a civil union should be the partnership between any two people in the eyes of the government. And by any, I do mean adult people. So rather than receiving a marriage certificate, I think that couples (gay, straight and transgendered) should all receive a document proving their civil union. And marriage should be the word reserved for the religious ceremony/commitment. In that way, the government recognize couples in a non-discriminatory way, while religious institutions can be discriminate, preserving the freedom of religion. As it stands, a civil union is perceived as an inferior offering from the government to non-heterosexual couples.

This should be the last (for now) on this topic. I just felt it was important to acknowledge that I didn't have as much information as I should have before going off yesterday. Because obviously, there was more for me to prattle on about, given the additional facts :-)

saddened

I know that there are many (maybe even many of you reading this) that disagree with me, but it saddens me to see the marriage bans that were passed in California (presumably...absentee ballots are still being counted), Arizona and Florida during this recent election. It just seems to me that this begins to blur the lines between church and state. For many, it is wrong for gay people to marry because that is what their religions tell them. For that reason, it seems perfectly reasonable for churches to refuse to perform religious marriage ceremonies for people violating the beliefs of that religion. But I just don't understand why the legal relationship should exclude people and why it is necessary to ban people from entering legally committed relationships. As with most things, if your belief systems says that it's wrong, then it makes sense to avoid entering into such a relationship yourself. But it doesn't seem to me like you should have the right to say that it's wrong for someone else. There are so many terrible things that happen in this world, where people are hurt or violated. It seems like attention could be better spent on preventing those things than preventing people from making lifelong commitments of love to each other. In Arkansas, a ban was passed that prevents non-married people from adopting or becoming foster parents. It saddens me to think that children are being deprived of loving parents because the parents don't fit some state ideal. With biological children, anyone can be a parent...there's no screening process. Biological children are often raised by single parents. Biological children can have abusive parents or neglectful parents. Adoptive parents do go through a screening process and adopting a child usually indicates that the parents really want a child, which is more than can be said of some biological parents. Again, I can't wrap my head around the denial of recognizing loving relationships.

So I may have pissed off some of you by my little rant. But hey, we can't all agree on everything, can we?

depression's a bitch...but the dream is alive!

I've been trying my best to hold it together as months have become weeks in the countdown until Jerry leaves. And while I've put on a pretty good game face, the truth is that I've been crumbling. Very rarely does a day go by in which I don't burst into tears, often over stupid things. Or even worse, over nothing. I haven't gotten to the point of neglecting the cleanliness of my house, but I haven't been taking good care of myself. Until this week in Schweinfurt, I hadn't been to the gym in over a month and had only exercised once at home. I've been eating crappy foods and just haven't felt very motivated. I recognize the symptoms and know that I'm traveling down Depression Street. Which is understandable, given the difficult situation of Jerry's nearing deployment. But it's not a way to live and be happy. This is the life we've chosen and this life includes separation and deployment. So I've given myself a deadline to start turning things around. I know that I have to expect that Jerry's deployment will have emotional ramifications. But I also know that I can be doing more to keep myself in a better place. And that's important for both me and Jerry. I don't want him worrying about his depressed wife when he should be concentrating on the job he needs to do. So I'm giving myself until November 15 to make some changes that should make me feel better and more emotionally stable. And what if I don't? Well, then I will turn myself over to the professionals. But I'm hoping I can pull myself together. Going to the gym this week has already helped consdierably. Making some good food choices should also go along way. And having a job of my own is already putting me in better spirits...and I haven't even started yet. Just knowing I have the job is enough to make me feel a little more grounded. My 'deadline' is a few weeks before Jerry leaves, so that hopefully he'll be leaving a wife that seems a little less fragile.

Many of my tears today have been of joy. Hmmm, joy is not the word to describe this emotion. I don't know if there really is a word. It's such an intense feeling that it almost hurts. The results of yesterday's presidential election have changed the face of who can become the leader of our country. The race itself brought us closer to having a female president than I ever thought possible this early in my lifetime. The announcement of Barack Obama as the president elect really drove home for me how solid the image of the president of the United States had been chiseled into my brain: an old white guy. And now that image has changed and it fills me with pride to see that in my lifetime, to have been a part of this historic election. And even putting aside the race issue and how monumental his election is, I find myself so inspired by this man and hopeful for our country. It's a pretty amazing feeling! And I felt proud to be part of this country and part of the election process as I listened to two gracious men concede and accept victory. This pride reminds me how lucky we are to be Americans and how proud I am to have a husband serving this great country.

All this pride and hope reminds me that all things are possible. Which translates to my personal challenges as well. Today is a day of hope and promise.

on vacation...sort of

Well, Scooter took it upon himself to tell you about our little vacation. I noticed that Scooter didn't decide to share his gastronomical adventures with you. When we moved out of Schweinfurt, Scooter was a little disappointed because there wasn't trash in his back yard. Which meant less of a chance for him sneaking a tasty morsel from the ground, as he was able to do on our walks around the old housing area in Schweinfurt. Well, someone decided to make Scooter's day and dropped something into our back yard that was irresistable to a certain pug. It was so tasty that he didn't mind injesting a whole bunch of mulchy wood chips. Which have been making their way through him for the last several days! I think I saw the last of it on our walk this morning. But the first day we were at the hotel, we left him in the room for a little bit and returned to find it decorated in spots of puggy woody vomit! It was a little gross. And I felt a lot bad for him. He seems to be doing much better now and I plan to investigate that spot in our back yard as soon as we return.

So here I am on vacation. Initially, we thought Jerry was going to have to come for the week and he'd be staying in barracks. Which would have meant a week apart. And that would have been less than desirable given the fact that there will be a whole year spent apart in just a matter of weeks. When plans changed to allow for him to stay at a hotel and Scooter and I to accompany him, we were all pretty happy. But so far, it's a lot of hard work for Jerry and a lot of lonely for me. Jerry works long days and comes home exhausted. Last night he was asleep around 9:00. And I don't even get my night-time snuggling. The double bed is really two twin beds together, not uncommon in German hotels. Sometimes the beds come together pretty smoothly, but in this room there's a section of wood running through the middle of the bed....not good for getting all snuggly.

So what have I been doing with all this time? Interestingly, I've gone to the gym. Interesting because I haven't made it to the gym once since the move, despite all of the free time I've had. It felt really good, though I definitely felt pretty sore afterwards! I plan on going again at least a few more times this week and am looking forward to getting it back into my routine in general. I've also been walking Scooter a lot. Something that I haven't been doing much of since we gained a fenced in back yard! That's also felt good and I think I need to make time to do that even though we have the yard. Army Wives has also been occupying my time. I've watched several episodes in the last few days and just finished the first season. This was my mom's bright idea. I think that she may be crazy. I'm not sure why she thought a show about the trials of army life would be a good thing for someone to see whose husband is just about to deploy. The impending deployment already has me on an emotional roller coaster and this television show really tapped into that emotion and opened up the floodgates! At least there was no one here to witness the meltdown!

Last week, I ended up having two interviews at the PX. I was offered a job this morning. I'm pretty excited about it because I really have been needing something that not only will take up some time, but something that is mine. I'll be working in customer service, which I think is a great fit for me. While it's not my dream job, I think that I'll get a lot of enjoyment out of it. And it will put me in a position to meet more people and interact with people more regularly, both important things when Jerry deploys.

If Jerry gets off of work at a reasonable hour tonight, we're hoping to have dinner with our Schweinfurt friends at one of our favorite dining establishments, the place with the giant Schnitzel!

all tuckered out...and it's not even noon!

This week, Daddy Giant and Ma and I are all staying at a hotel! Yesterday we traveled to Schweinfurt, where we'll be staying for the week. Daddy Giant has work to do there and Ma and I are just going along for fun. As an experienced world traveler, I find myself a little bored by car travel:

So bored, in fact, that I had to shake things up a little bit by experimenting with some traveling positions outside of my bed:

I feel kinda bad for all you humans who can't bring your bed wherever you go. Here's my bed at the hotel (I have my own little corner):

When Ma and Daddy Giant go out, I get comfortable in a different place. They don't know about this, but as soon as I hear the door close, I hop out of my bed and right onto theirs! Sooooo comfy!

This morning we had to get up early to take Daddy Giant to work. Ma and Daddy Giant had breakfast at the hotel and I'm pretty sure I smelled bacon on them when they returned to the room. But did they bring me any?! No. They did take me in the car to drop daddy off. Short rides are much less boring. Then Ma took me on a long walk at the place we used to live. It was fun to pee and poo on familiar spots that I haven't seen for awhile. After our long walk, Ma went to the gym. I stayed in the car and took a nap. Then Ma had a few errands to run. I stayed in the car then too. I figured she could handle them on her own. Plus, I needed to sleep a little more.

Finally, we came back to the hotel and just as I was getting ready to crawl into my bed and take a nap, Ma took me back outside for a walk downtown. Even though we used to live in Schweinfurt, I had never been downtown. It's pretty cool! Here I am walking down the sidewalk:

There are some good things to smell here:

Here I am in front of a fountain:

Here I am in front of an old building with cool stairs:

And I think you know what I'm doing here:

Now I'm back at the hotel and as soon as I finish writing this, I'm going to take a nap!

speaking of mail...

Yesterday was just blechy! It was cold and wet and grey. While the rain wasn't quite ice, it was very cold and pointy and attacking me when I went out to do errands. One of the errands was checking the mail. And I had mail! Real mail! For no special reason mail! Too big for my mailbox mail! From one of those awesome people I mentioned yesterday! My bestest friend Kathy sent me this:

The book has drawings by Jim Henson (one of my favoritest people ever!) paired with 'inspirational thoughts' written by Jim Lewis, who worked with Jim Henson for lots of years. The book is really beautiful, with cool drawings and lots of color....I love it! And I love Kathy for knowing how much I'd love it!

In other mail news, we voted!! I e-mailed our absentee ballots to the Buncombe County Board of Elections this morning and am sending the original ballots by Express Mail today! I had requested the absentee ballots a little late in the game and had been worried that we wouldn't get them in time to vote: in North Carolina, absentee ballots must be received by 5:00pm on November 3. But we did it! Since they wil take the ballot by e-mail, we technically got them in four days early! I sincerely hope that all of you who are reading this will be voting (or have voted) as well. Of course I'd prefer it if you were voting for the candidate that I would like to see win (hint - it rhymes with Schmobama). But more important, I hope you take advantage of the privilege that voting is. And as much as I support my candidate, I care more to live in a country where we can not only have different opinions, but express our differences. If that doesn't convince you to vote, you should remember that voting gives you the right to bitch later on if your candidate doesn't win and the person who does win screws everything up! In my opinion, if you don't vote, you really don't have the right to bitch. So please, please vote.

bundles of memories...

Being both an organizational and sentimental freak, I decided to tackle the project of organizing cards and correspondence we've received over the years. Yesterday I pulled out the boxes of memories and set to work separating and organizing by intended recipient(s) - stuff sent/given to Jerry, stuff sent/given to me, stuff sent/given to us as a couple and stuff exchanged between Jerry and me. The process was very revealing. Here's what I learned:

My husband, though sweet, doesn't have the keenest sense of memory or attention to detail.

When he gave me this penguin card for our anniversary, I thought it looked familiar and was pretty certain that he had given me this card before. Yesterday's project confirmed that he had indeed given this card to me before. This was also my birthday card this year. It should be noted that the card is neither a birthday card nor an anniversary card. Both cards were filled with very nice words from my husband, so I'm not complaining...I'm just amused :-)

There are lots of people that love or like me! I mean, I knew this already. But it's nice to see the evidence! The stuff given/sent to Hev required two boxes!! How lucky am I to have so many nice people in my life that send me letters and cards? The answer is: very very lucky! It's especially nice to see that, even in our technologically advanced age, there are still people sending things through the mail. As much as I love e-mail, you can't bundle e-mail messages up in pretty ribbons with the same effect!

My parents are the best!! Yes, this is another thing I already knew, but it's nice to be reminded of it and even nicer to let them (and all of you) know it too! The evidence of this begins with this card:

My dad made this card for me when I was just a baby/toddler. I don't even remember him giving it to me, but love that I still have it! There were numerous cards from my parents and there seemed to be a theme to them: no matter what choices I made or how different my path seemed, they always were proud and always respected the individual that is me! As I get older, I become more convinced that having such supportive parents is really the exception, not the norm. I am so thankful for that constant love and support that I receive from them!

Being both a sentimental freak and organizational freak sometimes puts me at odds with myself. The sentimental part of me wants to hold onto everything I've ever received from the people that are important to me. The organizational freak occasionally wants to purge the excess clutter from my life. The organizational freak watches shows like Clean Sweep (so good!) and has learned that things are not often important. Rather it's the memories that you associate with the things that are important. Well, organizational Heather has dominated in the past and the result is that many things have been recycled. And while I do still have the memories, I'm a little disappointed that there are some things that I don't have. Over the years, my Grandma Helen must've sent dozens of cards. When I did the last big purge, it didn't seem that important to save them all. But since then, my grandmother's passed on and I find it a little sad that I only have two cards from her saved. I have the last Christmas card and the last birthday card that she sent. Here's the birthday card:

I don't know if you can really see it, but the Dear Heather is in quotes. It's something funny that she always did. And she always signed with X's. I'm sad that I don't have even one of her Easter or Thanksgiving cards. She would often send me money on those holidays, "to buy a ham (or turkey) sandwich." I don't know how much she thought a sandwich costs, but she always sent me way more than that!

So, my big lesson is that I need to let sentimental Heather get her way. Which isn't all bad for orgnizational Heather. Saving lots of stuff means keeping it all organized. Because that's another lesson from Clean Sweep: if you are going to keep things to help preserve memories, honor the things and the memories by taking good care of them.

the man (or boy) behind the mask

When not in costume as a clone trooper, this handsome young man enjoys spending time in the decorated-for-fall TCBY! We hope he's eaten some of the special fall pumpkin yogurt for us...our favorite!

this is halloween, everybody scream!

Well, Halloween isn't here quite yet. But my nephew Ian is all ready for it:

Auntie Pantz thinks that this Star Wars fan may be the cutest Stormtrooper she's ever seen! (Correction: I've been informed that this is not actually a Stormtrooper costume, but a Clone Trooper costume! This is important because a Clone Trooper is a good guy, like our Ian!)

While it's not Halloween yet, it is my little brother's birthday today! Happy Birthday Ryguy! When I was looking for a card for him, I thought of doing one of my favorite things: buying a card for a 2-year-old and changing all the references from 2 to 22. Yeah, I'm funny like that. It then occurred to me that my brother is 10 years younger than me. And 34 take away 10 is not 22!! In some ways it's easier to believe that my baby sister is 18 and graduating from high school this year than to believe that I have a brother in his mid twenties! Where does the time go?! I can still remember him dancing around on the driveway pretending to be a video game! (Okay, it's possible that he still does that!) In the end I'm glad that I went with a non age-specific card....I would've looked pretty dumb! And I hope that Ryan has a great 24th birthday!!

thankful for a thanksgiving together

Since things in the army are always changing, it is perhaps a little premature to be thankful for a Thanksgiving that is actually spent with my husband. But, we've been told that Jerry's departure date will be December 4, keeping him home with me for our first Thanksgiving together in three years. We're also being led to believe that he may be given a few days off for family time around Thanksgiving to help make up for the long hours and weekends being worked until then. So that's encouraging.

We're coming into the final stretch leading up to deployment. And I have to admit that I'm feeling it. I already see myself putting a little space between the two of us. Not in a negative way or anything. I just find myself more willing than usual to go off by myself and give him alone time to play video games or whatever. I'm usually really demanding of his time so this is somewhat unusual for me :-) I guess I'm accomplishing two things by doing this. I feel he deserves time to do things he enjoys. I mean, he's giving a year of his life to the army and to our country. I figure the least I can do is let him have some time to do the things that he likes and finds relaxing. And I think it also helps me prepare for the separation. In the past, leading up to lengthy separation, we've found ourselves drifting apart in a much more negative way, brought back together once we're apart. And that's always felt pretty bad. Things feel much better between us this time around. Though we're spending more time on our own, the time that's spent together is really good and connected. But no matter how good this part is, I'm sure it's still going to hurt like hell when he leaves.

I received a call today about setting up an interview to work at the PX. Right now, I think a part-time job in a retail setting would do worlds of good for me. Not only will it give me something to do with my days, especially when Jerry's gone, but it'll be a fairly social job with a lot of interaction with people.

Christmas is on its way and I must say that being in Germany during this time of the year is pretty wonderful! Throughout the country you can find outdoor Christmas markets where you can purchase ornaments, table linens and gifts as well as Gluewein (mulled wine) and Lebkuechen (German gingerbread). German Christmas ornaments are pretty cool. They have ones that are delicate and beautiful as well as ones that are a little more fun. My favorite are the wooden ones with strings to pull to animate the ornament. My favorite so far is a wooden frog whose legs move when you pull the string!

It's getting late in the day and I still have a bunch of things on my to do list. So I'm off for now!

can you believe this?!

Yesterday, Elyssa sent me an e-mail message with photo attachments showing off her new hair cut. Elyssa decided that bangs were in order. So she took matters (and scissors) into her own hands and gave herself some! That's not the unbelievable part. Look at this beautiful girl....I can't believe she's the same Elyssa I know...she looks so old!

This looks a little more like the Elyssa I know!

This is what she looked like just two summers ago:

Also the summer of 2006, at our very first Unbirthday Party:

It's amazing to see the changes that two years (and eyeliner!) can bring! It's exciting to see her becoming a young woman, but I miss the little girl that I first met!

starting to wookiee...

The Pagella household has two annual events in June. The first is Ma's dance concert, which is followed by the second: ma turns into a wookiee. Following the intensity of the dance concert and the months of classes that preceeded it, it is somewhat of a letdown for Ma in the days and weeks following the concert. During this period, she flounders about, not really knowing what to do with herself and makes sounds reminiscent of Chewbacca. I haven't been around for the wooky period in years and I suspect that it has lessened as the family has filled their summers with vacations and visiting.

I'm finding myself nearing a wookiee period. Since I quickly unpacked and set up the house, there's very little that I have to do during the day. I've been finding myself lying around more than usual and yearning for projects or a job! Though I check the weekly listings for job openings, I continue to find myself overqualified or completely unqualified to fill the vacancies. So I decided to apply for part time work at the PX while I continue to look for something more permanent and fulfilling.

I haven't sunk completely into a state of wookiee, but I feel it coming on! I'm the kind of person who has difficulty sitting down to watch a television show without feeling guilty because I could be doing something more productive. So wookiee and Hev are not a good match! I am optimistic that I will be able to avert the complete wookiee transformation with a few trips to the gym and possibly a part-time job. Yesterday I took the bus to the post to get the car from Jerry. On the bus ride, I met a wife who is new to the post (only one week) and is looking for a gym buddy. She seems very nice and having someone to go with and be accountable to always helps me with my commitment to the gym.

It seems weird to me that we have been in Graf for less than three weeks. I feel so at home here that it seems like we've been here longer, despite the still-empty walls (counting the days until our hanging appointment on the 29th). I feel more at home here in these short weeks than I ever felt in the months at Schweinfurt. I guess that's a good sign, since this will be my home while Jerry's away. Today, I was talking to my mom on the phone (like I do every day) and she said that people often ask her if I'll be staying here in Germany while Jerry is deployed. She has her doubts, but my plan is to stay here. Part of military life is the absence of the soldier and I feel like I need to build up relationships in my community to help with these absences. Otherwise, I'll be running home all the time. Of course, I plan to visit family and friends while Jerry's away. But my home will be here in Germany.

This has been one of those all over the place entries and I'll end it with pictures of my latest project. My family has oftened mocked my obsession with home improvement shows, but today I did the designers on Trading Spaces proud! I have two framed pieces of art. Unfortunately, the white frames just blend into the white walls and don't really compliment the artwork. Because of the way the art had been framed, replacing the frames seemed overly difficult and would be pretty expensive. So, I invested $3 in a can of spray paint and picked up some masking supplies at my favorite self-help store. And I'm very please with my results!

Here are the two pieces, hanging on the wall (left) in our old dining room:

And here they are now, ready to be hung in our living room:

It's amazing how such a small change can make such a big impact!