losing my mind

So far, pregnancy hasn't been the most pleasant experience.  So many women talk about how wonderful pregnancy is and instruct the newly-pregnant to really cherish the time.  Other women talk about being miserable for their entire pregnancies.  While miserable would be too strong a word to describe my experience so far, it hasn't exactly been wonderful.  Instead of a glow, my face is usually marked with dark circles under my eyes.  While I haven't thrown up once, I have constant nausea.  My gums are sensitive and you don't even want to know about the pooping issues!  I guess I was a little naive or perhaps unprepared for all of these pregnancy changes.  The most unnerving change of all is that pregnancy is causing me to lose my mind.  Mostly, it's been little things.  Forgetting small details.  Having difficulty focusing.  But this week the mental incapacitation went to a whole new level.  On Friday, I showed up at 12:30 at the Education Center to have my statistics exam  proctored.  The proctor was surprised to see me, because apparently I didn't have an appointment on Friday at 12:30 and he was conducting soldier testing and unavailable as a proctor.  He did, however, have me scheduled for 8:00 the previous morning and had been surprised when I hadn't shown up for the exam.  My heart fell to the floor.  How could this have happened?!  With the exam window closing on Saturday and no other proctoring appointments available until next Thursday, there was no way that I could complete my exam as assigned.  I was able to reach my professor by e-mail and she was kind enough to extend the exam window so that I can take it next Thursday.  But what if I hadn't been so lucky?

When I returned to my office, I checked my calendar and the e-mail correspondence between me and the proctor.  Turns out, the exam had actually been scheduled for Friday at 8:00....both the proctor and I had been wrong!  I had initially requested to be tested at 12:30 on Friday and that day and time just stuck in my head.  And when I'm not pregnant, my head is pretty reliable.  It's strange that I have to learn to mistrust myself because my brain is just not the reliable calendar that it always has been.

Most people who know me know that I'm extremely organized, thorough and detail oriented.  So, of all the pregnancy changes, losing my mind is the hardest for me to handle.  I rely heavily on my ability to recall details and manage organized systems in my head, without having to write everything down.  Or if I write things down, it's usually just to help me commit things to memory.  Once the list has been made, I very rarely need to consult it.  Now, I'm forced to not only make lists and keep a calendar, but to regularly check them to make sure that I don't make any more mistakes like I did with my statistics exam.

The purpose of this blog entry is not necessarily to complain or whine, but to document my experience, as it is.  After our little bundle of joy arrives, I may look back through my baby-tinted glasses and think that pregnancy was wonderful.  But I want to document what pregnancy is really like, at least for me.   I also hope to regain my mind, but from what I've heard from parents, it just gets worse!