soon come

In the Jamaican way, I can say that Jerry soon come. I think that in Jamaica, soon is a fairly relative term and often does not mean 'right away'. I have a pretty specific idea of when Jerry will be leaving Iraq and a loose idea of when that means he'll be back on post. But for security purposes, I have to remain vague about details and therefore can't include you all in an official countdown. I'd love to be shouting it from the rooftops, but protecting our soldiers' safe return is obviously more important :-) But I think that I can safely say that he 'soon come' and will let all of you know when he's safely at home and when I'm able to hang this:

One of my co-workers picked that up a few months ago for me and I've been waiting to be able to hang it!

As I come down to these final weeks, I find myself completely overwhelmed with emotion and the need to put everything in order. I'm determined to have everything in the house just perfect. Which is a little silly because Jerry doesn't really care about any of that! I'm stocking up on his toiletries and food items so that he comes to a house made for him. Time is passing in such a strange manner. I'm traveling a lot for work and while the weeks seem to be flying by, the minutes are not. I have a constant sense of urgency or impatience as I wait for the day to come when I welcome Jerry home. In many ways, I feel the way I did standing in the church moments before I was to walk down the aisle. I was so completely overwhelmed with emotion and anticipation that I wasn't sure that I could take it. Of course, moments later I had the release of walking down the aisle and seeing Jerry's smiling face, full of love. Now, I have a similar feeling almost constantly, with almost no release (other than the unexplained crying on occasion). This is a very intense experience, to say the least. An experience that I'm happy to say is nearing its end.

some day my prince will come!

And some day is coming soon!! At this time next month, we should be together again! It's important for me to remember that it's my prince that will be returning. Not Prince Charming. The army puts a significant amount of focus on preparing spouses for the return of deployed soldiers and the not-so-great changes they can expect to see in their loved ones. Things like being quick to anger and talking in a way that's appropriate with fellow soldiers or in the chain of command, but not necessarily a way that's appropriate for or appreciated by the soldier's spouse! We're warned that patience and understanding will be important tools for us after the honeymoon period that occurs when our spouses first return, during the readjusment period that follows.

I believe that there's another kind of change that can occur that I haven't really heard anyone discuss. I can't imagine that I'm the only one to romanticize or idealize my husband in his absence. In my mind, he has changed to a man who is thoughtful in ways he never was before (not to say he's not thoughtful, just not in the ways I imagine) and who will do things with me that he's never done before. Awhle ago, I was taking Scooter on his evening walk and I saw a husband and wife walking hand in hand as they walked their dog. My immediate thought was, "I can't wait until Jerry comes home and he and I can have walks like those." Almost as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I actually laughed out loud. Who did I think was going to be coming home to me?! Jerry has never consistently walked with me and Scooter. Perhaps in the early days of our relationship he was more eager to do things like that, but certainly not in years. Not that he never walks with us. But it just struck me that there's a tendency for me to romanticize my husband and turn him into an imaginary perfect husband while he's not here to remind me of his...ahem...flaws. Or perhaps I should say, the unique things that make him Jerry.

As the time draws closer to me welcoming Jerry back, I need to remind myself that the person returning to me is still the same person who left, at least at heart. I may have to adjust to some personality changes that have occurred due to deployment and may have to remind myself not to compare him to the Prince Charming Jerry that has developed in my head. And I remind myself every day of the things about him that make me love him. And I know that those things have not changed.

the countdown is on!

In these first days of October, I'm looking ahead one month to the first week in November, in which I will (finally) be reunited with my Jerry Giant! With things getting extremely busy at work and much work travel planned in the coming weeks, I expect October to fly by. I had initially expected that these last weeks would drag by and be hard to endure. Boy, was I wrong! Weekends drag a wee bit, but given all the housework that needs to be done after being gone most of the week, even the weekend hours go by a little too quickly.

My job has changed significantly in the last several months. For the better? That's yet to be decided. The program has changed managerial hands and is being completely restructured. The new structure will require me to travel more and do less of the coordinating that I really enjoy. Because of the new structure, it is unlikely that I will be continuing with the program when my contract ends in January. I have very mixed feelings about this. Right now, the demands of my position have increased significantly as I've taken on the responsibilities of other positions during the transition period. At this pace, work is a stressful and unhappy place for me. Taking a break from it will definitely be welcome. It is no longer the job for which I was hired and now not a job that I love. It is not a job that is worth the stress that I'm constantly under. On the other hand, I'm not fully prepared to lose the income nor the structured schedule. I remember how unhappy I was when I first moved to Germany and had such difficulties finding employment. Because jobs are so scarce, I worry that I will again face months of unemployment which does not suit me well. My hope is that I'll find something shortly after my contract ends, giving me a slight break but allowing me to return to employment fairly quickly.

In the meantime, I'm also preparing to take the GMAT in December in order to pursue an MBA program in healthcare administration. The busy work schedule is making it difficult to put as much time in as I'd like on the preparation, but I'm hoping for the best!

So my life is a whirl of activity right now. Between the excitement of Jerry's return, the craziness of work, the pressure of the GMAT, and trying to get myself in healthier shape, I'm constantly going! I've oftened wished that there were a few more hours in the day to help me accomplish all that I want to and boy am I feeling that now!

As much as I'm looking forward to our vacation in the States in December, I fear that it's not going provide the relaxation I'm really going to need. It's going to be jam-packed with driving, fun activities, driving, visiting family and friends and driving! I'm going to need a vacation after the vacation! Which just might be where unemployment fits in :-)