home

I'm pretty sure my mom is going to read this blog entry and tell me in our next phone conversation that I need to get a job!! But even a job can't prevent the wheels that are constantly turning in this noggin!

For most of my adult life, I've struggled with the idea of home. Or at least have been very conscious of the concept of home and what that means to me. I specifically remember a time at GW when I was determined to spend my spring break at GW, rather than returning home to my family. At that time in my life, although I so desperately wanted to make my own home in a place separate from my family, there was no denying that home was with my family. And that remained true for years. For me, home always makes itself clear when travelling. On every single trip between Washington DC and Massachusetts, whether by car or plane, I always felt like I was coming home as I approached Massachusetts. And always felt like I was leaving part of myself behind when I left my family and Massachusetts.

I know now that my family will always be home to me. No matter where they physically are, they are home. No matter how much time has past, I can always feel comfortable, happy and loved with not only with my immediate family, but with my extended family. I also know now that having a home for myself doesn't mean denying the permanent home that I share with my family. Some of you reading this may think that this sense of dual-homeness is the result of making a home with my husband and sowing the seeds for my own family. But really I found the first home of my own when I moved to Asheville. For the first time, when I travelled away from Massachusetts, I looked forward to going home. In some ways, I feel like that sense of comfort and belonging that I felt when I moved to Asheville openned me up to the love that I found in my husband.

Germany, too, has felt like home. I can't say that the first place that we lived in Germany ever really felt like home. It felt a little bit more like playing pretend. But here, in our new house, I feel that feeling that made Asheville home to me. Returning from Schweinfurt last week, I felt a little excitement and relief when we turned onto our street. I was home!! Being in the army means that we will be moving a lot, which I think is what has sparked this little home examination of mine. How do I maintain a sense of home as we move from place to place? And I guess I've come to the conclusion that making a home is a little bit like making friends. Friends are the family that we get to choose. Similarly, we can choose to make a home inviting and warm and full of the qualities that so naturally make being with family home. I can choose to make good memories in a home that I share with the love of my life. I can choose to fill it with warm smells, rich colors and laughter. I can choose to veture out into the area and find things/places to love and to inspire me in the place that I live.

This all boils down to a whole bunch of rambling in an effort to say that I do feel like I'm home now. I feel content and blessed. I feel close to my husband in what is really our first home. And that is an amazing feeling!